forthebothofus | [ 06 ] [ Text

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[ 06 ] [ Text | Commentlog ]

[Across the page comes a feminine but untidy scrawl.]

One question, Deior. Why. What the hell is the point. Save the others, fine, but I don't get why you bothered with me.

[Feelings are not something Abeni's ever been used to. She doesn't know how to handle them, how to react to them, or what to do. Back at home she had a purpose, a drive, something to push her forward and work toward.

In the Keep, she's without that focus point. Zachariah might of been her initial reason for being brought back from the dead, or at least the reason she decided on herself, but as far as she can see, he's doing fine without her. She needs him more than he does her. It's a helplessness Abeni doesn't know what to do with.

Thus she's holed up in the boathouse, a bottle of liquor in her hand as she makes a poor attempt at drinking away her sorrows. If only her alcohol tolerance was even close to what it used to be. It's been a day or two since she's gone anywhere near the stables.

Abeni is hiding, speaking out only because of the alcohol in her system.]

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[She draws her knees to her chest and glares straight ahead. It's obvious she's upset, and showing it far more than she's ever let anyone, even him, see.]

Nothing to talk about, Zack.

[Her tone has a little less bite to what it did before he arrived.]

[Seeing her like this takes away a lot of his earlier aggravation. Instead he just worries even more.

He takes a few steps towards her and sits.]

I don't buy that for a second and you know it. I've barely see you. You don't even come to the stables anymore.

And look at that. You're doing just fine without me.

[She looks up when he sits but is quick to avert her gaze elsewhere. Looking him in the eye only makes it worse.]

Face it Zachariah. You don't need me at all.

[Now that stuns him for a moment.]

Are...are you serious?

[Then something inside him just snaps. He lurches forward, grabbing her by the shoulders and turns her to face him.]

You wanna know something? It's been five fucking years since I've seen you and you know what? There wasn't a single fucking moment where I didn't think about you! Every minute of everyday I missed you because the one person who knew me better than anyone else was gone!

[He stares her in the eyes for a moment before looking down at the ground.]

I wanted nothing more than to go back in time and have another shot to save you. Without you I was scared but more than that, I was alone.

[Even with the resistance he felt alone. Sure Fiel and Iriel helped take some of that away by befriending him, but he always felt like an outsider looking in.]

So don't you ever tell me that I don't need you. Don't you ever tell me that.

[He keeps his head pointed down if only so she can't see the tears.]

[She doesn't speak. She can't speak. The words stick in her through and her mind struggles to form a coherent sentence. It's surprising to hear any of it, more so with the amount of emotion he's put behind what's said.

Head down, Abeni knows he's crying, and that only aids to shock her further. She knew he'd missed her after she died, just never the degree of how much.

Before she knows it, there's tears in her eyes as well.]

I feel like I'm dragging you down.

[She reaches to hold his face with both hands, gentle on his skin. Abeni doesn't make him look up, instead leaving that to him.]

You've got friends, skills. People like you. You're a good guy and it shows.

[The best guy, in her opinion. Her hands drop.]

I need you more than I'd like.

[He looks up at her, confused and no longer caring about the tears.]

Dragging me down? You've done nothing but pick me up. Everything I know I owe to you, and even if I didn't you're still the closest friend I have.

[His arms slip off her shoulders and hang limply at his sides.]

I don't care about any of that. I just don't want to lose you, and I'll fight every last person here to take you home again. All I want is to be with you again.

[This is as open as Zachariah's ever been.]

[She sits up and moves forward, arms wrapping around his neck to hug him to her like he was vanishing before her eyes. Abeni figures they both need the hug as much as the other.]

I've never told anyone I love them. I'm not good with feelings. I don't know what to do.

[It's still hard to say.]

But you're...

[Something. After everything, Abeni still can't find the words for what she wants to say.]

[Slowly Zachariah puts his arms around her. He wasn't expecting this. Actually he wasn't expecting any of this. All he wanted to do was check on her. Next thing he knew he was bearing his soul to her]

I...

[Wow he really doesn't know what to say. He's not a good speaker even at the best of times.]

You don't have to say anything.

[He's going to keep hugging her though. After losing Iriel and the distance Abeni's been trying to put between them his emotions are running rather high and he could use it.]

[Abeni isn't about to let go either. She's foolish to of thought she could escape him. Perhaps in Halis she would have had a better shot, but the Keep wasn't all that big a place. She sighs.]

I'm sorry. I tried to run because I don't want to mess things up for you. If this was Halis, I'd be long gone by now.

[She can't help but feel silly for the whole thing, more so when the base reason that sent her backwards in development is something so petty.]

I saw you with Iriel.

[Pause. Breathe. Abeni loosens her grip of him a little.]

And Ryn.

[She keeps her voice neutral. Abeni still doesn't know why it bugged her so much.]

If those girls are who you want, then for how close we are, I'm kinda in the way.

If this was Halis I'd still be with you anyway.

[He means every word of that. After Deadworld there was something between them, something strong. He doesn't know what it is exactly but he knows it's there and he's not about to let it go.

As Zachariah listens he wonders if that's the cause of all this. It doesn't really make sense to him. He can't see Abeni caring much about any of that. He pulls back so he can look her in the face but he doesn't let her go.]

They only did it because of some Christmas ritual. Wouldn't be surprised if they kissed at lot more people than me.

[He pauses for a moment before he gets a determined look in his eyes.]

Even if I did you're never in my way. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose this. You're important to me Abeni and you always will be.

Don't care about traditions or rituals. Girls don't kiss people unless some part of them wants to.

[She meets his gaze and holds it.]

But if what you really want is me around, then alright.

[Abeni still feels like an outsider, but it's probably her own defenses keeping her that way.]

I'm not good with people, Zack. Growing up in H had me fighting from the start. I shot a man when I was eight. Had more run ins with the law trying to keep my Mom safe than those fucking bastards who were breaking in did.

[She's babbling now, but Abeni can't bring herself to care. The words have started and she might as well continue. Who knows when she'll have the guts to again.]

After that I was a mercenary. Took jobs as I wanted them, whoever paid the most. Never settled down. Never had a base. Never got close to anyone. And then in Deadworld I found you and I don't know what the fuck happened but you got in, and that scares me.

[He's really not sure how to respond to that. In fact he doesn't really know how he feels about that himself, but right now he doesn't that. Abeni needs him and that's what matters.]

I've always wanted you around. You're my partner, my closest friend, and...

[And what? Zachariah can't find the words that he wants to say. She's just important to him, very important to him.]

It doesn't matter to me what you did back then. What matters to me is where we are now. You're always going to be my friend Abeni, no matter what you've done in the past.

[Scared? It's hard to imagine Abeni being scared. As long as he's known her she's always been fearless, but then again, she's as human as anyone else. He just doesn't know how he can help her, so he does the only thing he can think of and hugs her tightly again.]

This isn't something I'm good at but, I don't want to scare you and I don't want to forget you. Most of all, I don't want to let you go. I'm with you to the end. Good or bad, I want to be right there beside you.

That is who I am now. It's all I know. I wouldn't have a damn clue how to do this 'normal, peaceful' bullshit. I've been fighting from the start.

[She's never known anything else.]

You're the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and look at how we met. Look at what we've done. It's still fucked up.

[Abeni sits back and slumps, still well within his reach but no longer holding to him. If anything, she looks defeated.]

I don't want to lose you, Zack. But if you've got a shot at happiness, no matter what you say now...

And Iriel has been working for the resistance she was a little kid. Stuff like that doesn't matter to me. Hell, I'll be happy to help however I can.

[He's no social butterfly but he can try to help at the very least. Man he wishes Fiel was here to help right now. Or Iriel. Or anyone better at this than him.]

Well, no one ever said that we were normal.

[Zachariah smiles awkwardly at her.]

What makes you think you keep me from being happy? When you were gone it was like I lost a part of me, a part that I never want to lose again.

[Of course with Iriel's disappearance there's another hole to replace the one that was filled.]

[Wish all he likes, Abeni wouldn't listen to them even if they were. This conversation wouldn't be happening at all and she wouldn't be saying even a quarter of what's been said.

This right now for them, for his ears only.

She falls silent, saying nothing for a short while before looking up to meet his eye.]

I'm sorry you lost her.

[As well as he knows Abeni they're both in uncharted waters right now. He can only hope that his words reached her in some way and they've helped her somehow. If they haven't well, Zachariah will just have to keep trying.

Most in the keep might think Zachariah's a push over but when it's something he feels is important he'll fight till his last breath for it.]

I'll find her again, just like I found you.

[He smiles at her and there's some confidence there. He's absolutely sure that he'll find Iriel just like he's sure he'll bring Abeni home.]

Yeah...

[He knows her thoughts on coming back, as well as returning to Halis with him, but she keeps it to herself. It doesn't need to be said again.

Abeni smiles a little in return and reaches up to lightly pat his cheek.]

You've got a good attitude, Zack.

[Her smiles causes his to grow wider.]

I try, and whether you believe me or not, I think you've got a good heart.

[She pats his cheek again, a little harder this time but still playful.]

And I still think you're delusional. A good guy, but delusional.

[Abeni smiles a little broader. She drops her hand and with it her gaze.]

[Zachariah chuckles as she pats his cheek.]

I think I can live with that.

[It's at this point that he realizes he's still holding onto her and he's not sure whether he should let go or not.]

[Abeni has all but forgotten about his arms still being where they are. For the moment she's hitting the sleepy, almost sober mark. She yawns and looks around.]

This place isn't as good to sleep in as the stable.

[Can she come home, Riah?]

[Zachariah is thankful for something else to think about, not to mention thankful she wants to go back to the stables.]

Come on, let's head back. It's been too quiet without you there.

[You were always welcome home Abeni.]

[This is the part where she should get up. Instead Abeni just sits there, suddenly aware that Zachariah is still holding her.]

Alright. Um.

[The need for sleep is hitting her hard. Abeni blinks.]

You might have to help me out here.

Right.

[Zachariah shifts his body, settling an arm around her waist and pulling her arm over his shoulder. Slowly, he begins to rise and lift her with him.]

Looks like I get to carry you around this time.

Don't tell anyone about this.

[Abeni fights back a laugh, feeling silly but moving along with him just fine. Total trust in the person carrying you helps a lot.]

I've got a reputation as Angry Bitch to maintain, you know.

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